33 year-old man has genuinely high expectations of Tron: Legacy

SALES executive Tom Logan is genuinely looking forward to seeing Tron: Legacy, it emerged last night.

Logan, 33, has purchased two tickets for the film on its release date, paying an £8 supplement for luxury seats with padded neck rests.

He said: “The original Tron is one of the best films I’ve ever seen. There’s no way this isn’t going to be amazing, what with the cutting-edge 3D and the soundtrack by Daft Punk. And the bikes. The very big bikes.

“People keep saying, ‘Maybe a film about a guy getting sucked into a computer game won’t be as entertaining now you’re not a child’ and ‘it’ll just be another empty-hearted rehash using technological smoke and mirrors to disguise an absence of story and creativity, like always’.

“What utter bollocks. It’s going to be AMAZING!”

Tom’s girlfriend, Emma Bradford, said: “I’m getting really quite worried now.

“I have been trying to manage his expectations without upsetting him. Tom always gets really excited whenever Hollywood revives some tired old franchise, and then he struggles terribly with the disappointment.

“After seeing Attack of the Clones he walked straight up to the thing in the lobby that warms the hot dog sausages and put his hand on the hot bit until you could smell burning bone. They nearly had to amputate.

“And after Terminator: Rise of the Machines, he went mental at some kids, brandishing an upside-down Callippo like it was a knife.

“So I keep dropping hints about how Jeff Bridges probably won’t be in it that much, stuff like that.

“But who knows, maybe it’ll be really good.

“Except that it definitely won’t.”



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Trends more fashionable than ever

THE latest fashions are trendier than ever and look set to be the in-thing, experts have confirmed.

The Institute for Studies said the British public has just been getting trendier and trendier over the last 10 years with a record number of people buying really cool shirts, dresses and jackets and then looking great in them.

Professor Henry Brubaker, said: “It’s all about clogs and maxi dresses. The question isn’t ‘should you wear them’, but what should you wear them with?”

Meanwhile prime minister David Cameron urged Britain to keep looking super-cool and totally with it.

He added: “Look at my shirt! Look at your shoes! Fantastic! It’s all happening!

“But let’s not be complacent as there’s never been a more important time to think about what top will look the coolest with this skirt.”

Prof Brubaker said outstanding fashion sense runs right through British society, from well-dressed surgeons with an instinct for accessories, to thieves and sex offenders who look effortlessly amazing.

Bill McKay, jailed twice for trying to kick a man’s head off, said: “I will not stand by while someone picks fault with the Sienna Miller Collection at River Island.

“I suppose I could probably have kicked his head right off but then I would have had to change out of my funky blue sneakers and into some clumpy Timberlands that would have been totally wrong with these jeans.

“And that would have been a crime.”