A NEW adaption of the Dickens classic will dispense with the woke socialist values of the original and offer a balanced view on hoarding wealth.
Miserly businessman Ebenezer Scrooge will be rewritten as a more sympathetic figure who is concerned that excessive generosity makes people too dependent on others.
Executive producer Martin Bishop said: “We owe it to the public to present an unbiased story that represents all perspectives equally. Who are we to say whether greed is good or bad?
“We’ve made a few alterations to counterbalance the left-wing spirit of the original. After all, why should Scrooge be the only character to change? Bob Cratchit could work a bit harder, maybe even get a second job.
“And those do-gooding ghosts seem too much like activists. We’ve changed it so that the Ghost of Christmas Present shows Scrooge how he already contributes a lot to society due to things like trickle down economics.
“We believe this new version of the festive classic shows the arguments both for and against being a selfish bastard, even though it does mean Tiny Tim gets taken away by social services.
“Please can you all stop trying to defund us now?”