CHILDREN are credulous idiots who are easily influenced by things they see on telly. Here is some of the nonsense they completely believe:
Real danger doesn’t exist
Unless they are unquestionably villains, people don’t die from falling off cliffs or high buildings because they are always saved at the last nanosecond by grasping someone’s hand or an implausibly thin bit of rope. Dissuade them from testing this when you take them for a trip up the Shard.
Big cakes are only for falling into
Is there a party featuring a large, multi-tiered cake which has been lovingly prepared by a camp, angry chef? It will never get eaten because in less than one minute someone will fall dramatically into it. Similarly, small cakes are never consumed because they are only for pushing your enemy’s face into.
Being yourself is a good thing
A popular theme in kids’ films is that being yourself is the path to happiness. Given that they’re learning this lesson from another child pretending to be someone they aren’t it’s strange that they believe it, but children are gullible little suckers so they swallow it wholesale.
School is interesting
American schools are full of well-dressed kids striding down clean, bright school corridors and engaging in glamorous stories about prom queens and cheerleaders. Sadly, the reality of British schooling is that the buildings are scruffy, the uniform is a shiny nylon jumper and the most interesting thing that will ever happen is when the naughty kid puts a condom in the maths teacher’s flask.
Violence is fun
From Home Alone to Tom & Jerry, children’s films and TV are jam-packed with horrifically violent scenes, such as getting smacked in the face with a full tin of paint or being set on fire. However, these acts of aggression and the injuries they cause are hilarious and fun, and no one is left with a traumatic case of PTSD in the aftermath.
