RECORDING phenomenon Adele is the result of some men writing a list of woman-friendly things on a whiteboard, it has emerged.
Record label executive Tom Logan revealed the singer was invented during a product development brainstorming session entitled, ‘The Sort of Shit Women Go On About’.
He said: “We quickly built up a list of stuff, including ‘heartbreak’, ‘feelings’ and ‘yeast infections. Some idiot said ‘pavements’ as a joke which actually pissed me off ’cause I was trying to be serious, but I wrote it down anyway.
“Then, after a short cocaine break, we explored each of these sub-headings.
“By mid afternoon we had the track titles for what would become Adele’s first album, but no notion of who or what would sing it.
“Our first thought was some skinny blonde with big tits who pretends to be bisexual, but then this other bloke, Dan, said that if we were going to sell this to women in supermarkets it should be someone who looks like they aren’t going to steal their husband.
“A big girl. Fucking genius.”
However when Logan looked through the company’s rolodex of potential female voice providers, he found there were no big girls available.
He added: “I thought, ‘well, these bitches may appeal to my mighty penis but they won’t shift units to real women with real women’s issues and whatever’. There was this one bird, Adele, but she was only seven stone.
“Then it hit me – put her in a fat suit.”
Logan is now looking for new projects after being sacked for staring at breasts while biting his lower lip.