ADELE has announced that she is releasing a new album of heartbroken songs with which listeners can shed 30 pounds in just 12 weeks.
30, which is expected before Christmas, combines the singer’s defiant ballads of love turned sour with a diet and exercise programme which promises to give all her fans the new svelte Adele look.
She said: “I’ve been through a divorce, I’ve been through heartbreak, and I’m looking better than ever. And now you can too.
“Song like Hurts So Much (Can’t Eat A Thing) and 5k Walks In The Rain will have listeners sobbing in empathy while subconsciously imitating me and watching their weight fall off.
“You’ll weep the pounds away and be in a size 10 by January, and that’s the Adele guarantee.”
The cover of the album will show Adele, shot in sepia soft-focus, wiping away a tear while holding out the waistband of a pair of her old trousers to demonstrate how much weight she has lost.
It is expected to battle for chart supremacy with Ed Sheeran’s new self-help album, I Became A Billionaire With Just A Guitar And No Discernable Talent… And You Can Too!