A TEENAGE girl is reeling from the bombshell that she will get old and become an arsehole just like her parents.
15-year-old Lucy Parry, who is painfully aware that every previous generation has been a bunch of dickheads and only she and her peers can save the world, came to the realisation while telling her younger brothers to pick up their trainers.
She said: “I tripped up over their f**king Nike Air and screamed at them to get off f**king Fortnite and put them on the shoe rack now, then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It was chilling.
“I ran upstairs, leaving all the lights on and putting a mug down without a coaster, but even that couldn’t shake this feeling that something had shifted. That somewhere within me was the boring old twat I would inevitably become.
“No matter how loud I blasted Lil Nas X or how many wet towels I left on the floor, I was haunted by thoughts like ‘nobody respects order in this house’ or ‘who has to tidy it up? Bloody muggins here’.
“What’s next – choosing clothes for practical purposes? Getting excited by nifty storage solutions? Saying ‘I’m sure Corbyn’s marvellous, but if interest rates go up we’ll lose the house’?
“When my dad would say ‘you’ll be our age one day you know’, I thought it was some sort of sick joke. Now I’m not so sure.”