All TripAdvisor reviews written by same weird man

ALL the reviews on TripAdvisor have been written by a single socially-isolated misfit.

41-year-old loner Roy Hobbs has admitted writing all the reviews ever posted on the consumer website.

He said: “I have a number of hobbies, including collecting Babylon 5 action figures and spying on my neighbours. But my best one is TripAdvisor.

“I have never been to a restaurant or stayed in a hotel so it is nice to play out all the potential scenarios in my head.

“For example, what if the mattresses were a bit lumpy, or there were some Belgian students having a loud party in the bar until three in the morning? I would be cross.

“On the other hand, it might be nice with lovely views and free mints.”

Hobbs added: “I do a technical thing to make it look like I’m using a different computer every time. Also I vary the spelling from poor to abysmal.”

Hobbs’s computer hard drive contains over 260,000 made-up reviews varying in tone from intensely passive-aggressive to nauseatingly fawning.

Hobbs said: “I suppose I am quite lonely, getting people to choose restaurants based on my writing is the closest I get to human interaction.”

Web analyst Emma Bradford said: “He’s telling the truth. After all, what normal person would even consider writing a review on TripAdvisor?”

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
Sitting in a beer garden with a pint of lager and a fag is there any better way to watch the sun come up?

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
On Thursday your quiz team-mates beat you up for suggesting that Francis Drakes nickname was Sir Cumnavigatetheglobe.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
No, Netflix isn’t the same as Neighbourhood Watch.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Youve never liked the song Teenage Kicks Immigrants Out Of The Country. It has racist Undertones.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
They do a thin crust pizza? You do a thick crust. They use just a few toppings? You use a variety. That’s the Chicago way.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Youve been writing a novel and have got as far as the title Uptight White Person In Exotic Location Learns About Life. The rest will pretty much write itself.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Raise a glass of champagne for a very special occasion this week – it’s been five years since you overcame alcoholism.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Youve cunningly managed to avoid any abusive trolling on Twitter by only having eight followers, six of whom are spambots called things like *^*missy92*^*

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Yeeeahhhhhh booyyyyeeeeeoh, sorry madam, I thought you were somebody else.

Taurus (20 APRIL 20 MAY)
Your disgust at somebody calling the North East of England desolate is short-lived after you remember that time you went to Middlesbrough.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
By the dark words of Lord Kaltos, as foretold in the Prophecies Of Il-Zahr-Keyruul, the seven stones of Xrilz will align and you shall get that work promotion.

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