Animals see Attenborough shows as moronic reality TV

WILDLIFE species have criticised David Attenborough as a maker of mind-numbing reality television obsessed with chimp family disputes.

As the broadcaster was lauded on his 90th birthday, animals attacked Attenborough’s output as ‘Geordie Shore with paws and flippers’.

Chimp Emma Bradford said: “We non-humans want high quality jungle drama, for example a moody detective series about an alcoholic pelican tracking down a crocodile serial killer in the style of The Bridge.

“Attenborough’s exploitative reality fodder only reinforces stereotypes, for example by showing working class baboon families stealing fruit from a market trader and then having a massive fight about a beta male failing to show ‘respect’.

“None of the cast even gets paid. I think there’s a killer whale off the The Blue Planet who makes some money doing meet and greets in provincial nightclubs but that’s all off his own back.”

Scorpion Mary Fisher said: “Wildlife on One portrayed being an animal as a ruthless struggle for survival where everyone’s obsessed with the food chain. Mostly though my life is quite mundane, I spend 19 hours a day hiding in a shoe.

“The BBC should stop wasting money on this crap and do a non-human version of Pointless with a bison asking the questions.”