Thursday, 6th May 2021

Anne Robinson already preparing sarcastic bollocks for Countdown

ANNE Robinson is enthusiastically preparing snide put-downs based on word puzzles and maths problems after being confirmed as the new host of Countdown.

The former Weakest Link presenter already has more than 400 barbed comments planned, ranging from suggesting contestants are mentally subnormal to criticising their jumpers.

Robinson said: “I’ll be using my trademark Wildean wit honed by years of The Weakest Link. If someone gets an ‘S’, I’ll quickly chip in with something like ‘Yes, S for ‘stupid’.

“Then when one of them loses the numbers game I’ll slyly say ‘Steve, or whatever, do you have difficulty counting your own toes?’. It’s going to be hilarious, if you have my sense of humour.

“I might even tamper with Rachel Riley’s letters, so that the only words they can spell are ‘moron’, ‘wanker’ or ‘shitbrains’, then launch the devastating quip “That’s what you are!’.

“The Countdown lot are usually nerds, so expect no mercy with crap clothes and haircuts. ‘Who cut your hair?’ I’ll say. ‘Your mum who you still live with using a pudding bowl?’, even if the victim is clearly a well-groomed, highly-paid, late-40s IT consultant.”