Are you Banksy?

IN today’s busy, modern world it can be hard to tell if you’re just an average working stiff or if you are, in fact, the elusive graffiti artist known as Banksy. Take our test to find out…

What do you do for a living?

A) I work in an office but I’m not willing to say exactly what I do there. It’s an office job, that’s all you need to know.
B) I paint satirical graffiti on walls around the world and also create artworks that sell for millions of pounds at auction.

Do you have a nickname?

A) If you needed to know it you already would, mate. No questions, know what I mean?
B) My nickname is based on my surname, Banks. It is essentially my surname with a ‘y’ added.

Where are you from? 

A) Let’s just say the wild wild west, mate, yeah? Get me? Like the West Country? Like Bristol?
B) I am from Bristol, which is also the home of some of my most famous artworks. I did a thing in the museum there.

What do you think of the work of Banksy? 

A) Genius, mate, total genius. He just nails everything that’s wrong with the modern world and capitalism, you know? Better than all those Mona Lisas and shit.
B) I hate it. I’ve hated it for years. It hasn’t been fun since 2005. But it’s my job and it makes me extremely rich, so I’ll keep churning it out.


Mostly As: You are not Banksy, despite your disingenuous answers designed to arouse suspicion that you are. It’s pathetic and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Mostly Bs: Nice try, but you’re not Banksy. Banksy’s far more mysterious and exciting than you. You’re probably just Burial or him out of Massive Attack or someone shit like that.

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We were actually far more liberal than he is, says Victorian ghost child about Jacob Rees-Mogg

THE ghost of a Victorian child has distanced herself and her era from the cruel policies of Jacob Rees-Mogg. 

Harriet Trembath, who died of neglect in a rat-infested alleyway, says even aristocrats of her day were far kinder than the MP for North East Somerset.

She added: “My end might have been terrible, but at least ladies in crinoline dresses wept about it when it was turned into a series of hand-tinted postcards. Rees-Mogg would have said it was all my own fault.

“We may share our anachronistic dress and unearthly, translucent appearance, but our views on women’s rights, the church and workers’ unions couldn’t be more different.

“In my day, men in top hats and canes investigated our sad plight, founded charities and worked hard on medicines to cure us. Even the worst factories weren’t zero-hours.

“And you know what else? Nobody called their children ‘Sixtus’. He’s made that up.”

Rees-Mogg said: “Hmm, looks like we’ve found another volunteer for my spectral workhouse. Ha ha ha. HA HA HA!”