Are you reading a proper book?

YOU’RE reading a book, which is good and you are deservedly congratulating yourself.

But is it a proper book, or is it crime or fantasy or sci-fi or some nonsense like that? Take our quiz to find out:

What is the lead character called? 

A) Damien
B) Prince Fermin
C) Inspector Schneider

What is happening in the book? 

A) Nothing. Londoners sit about discussing Brexit
B) Two age-old civilisations powered by magic and science respectively are to clash
C) There’s been an unusual murder

What is the big plot twist? 

A) Alan has been having an affair with his Romanian cleaner. Seriously that’s it. He’s not even a major character
B) The chief wizard reveals their magic was actually science all along
C) The killer was actually working within the police force

What happens at the end? 

A) Nothing
B) It’s clearly left open for a sequel
C) The murderer gets arrested and the inspector quits drinking and everything’s fine

Are you enjoying it? 

A) No, and nobody could
B) Yeah, it’s a break from dull everyday life
C) It wasn’t as good as the one where the bodies are all on top of buses but it’s still good


Mostly As: Well done! You are reading a proper book, the kind that gets reviewed in Sunday papers. Make sure to mention it to everyone you meet or there will be no point.

Mostly Bs: You are reading a silly made-up book full of nonsense, like an IT worker would read. You have shamed yourself and your family.

Mostly Cs: You are reading a crime novel with a returning lead character that will be made into an ITV series as soon as a big-name actor gets desperate enough. You’ve wasted your time.