Attenborough admits latest series is all just CGI

SIR David Attenborough has admitted using CGI in his latest nature series because the earth is actually now just a giant industrial anus.

Attenborough has created a beautiful planet earth for fear that the reality of rats in car parks drinking from a can of Fanta might be ‘depressing’.

Attenborough said: “If George RR Martin decided to say ‘actually magic is bollocks’ the next series of Game of Thrones would be shit.

“With the help of CGI Dynasties will show nature as an uplifting unspoiled wilderness and with the cheeky addition of a dolphin with six fantastic tits.

“I don’t want to get ahead of myself but I honestly think it’s better than Bake-Off, which is also CGI.”

Attenborough added: “You couldn’t create something as weird and creepy as Paul Hollywood without special effects.”

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Man will go to his grave swearing Pink Floyd are good

A MAN has confirmed that until the day he dies, he will believe that the music of Pink Floyd is far better than all the other music.

Roy Hobbs, who has not bothered with Spotify because he has all the Pink Floyd albums already, has liked the prog-rock giants since 1979 and has no intention of stopping anytime soon.

He said: “I actually call them the Floyd, but yes, they’re the band for me.

“I bought The Wall gatefold on vinyl with my 16th birthday money, and I’d ask for Shine On You Crazy Diamond at my funeral but it’s 17 minutes long and I suspect my wife will have left before the end.

“They’re just superior. More instruments, intelligent lyrics, fantastic production, lovely guitar and they give their albums concepts when these modern bands can’t even be bothered.

“I’ve dabbled in Genesis I admit, and Rush at parties, and I quite like Muse for trying to help young people onto the right path, but ultimately they’re not Pink Floyd, are they?”

Wife Tina said: “He doesn’t even like the Syd Barrett years, and nobody genuinely likes the later stuff. So it’s basically four albums.”