BBC Angers Fans Of The Idea Of 6 Music

THE closure of the BBC's 6 Music has enraged thousands of people who insist it is the sort of thing they would probably have liked if they had ever got round to listening to it.

Would-be fans are now urging the corporation to grant a reprieve to the digital station, which probably featured lots of new bands or something.

Potential listener Tom Logan said: "It was a fantastic breeding ground for exciting new talent, according to this article I just read on the Guardian website.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm picturing lots of acoustic sessions, eclectic playlists and lively banter with the spirit of John Peel via a psychic gypsy crone?"

He added: "If the BBC save it I'll definitely make a point of trying to have a listen. Possibly on Wednesdays depending on when I get home from work, though to be honest I'll probably watch Crime Scene: Navy Crime on my Sky+ box.

"Nevertheless, I feel passionately that it was an unquestionable force for good in the universe. Like one of those baby dolphins."

Emma Bradford, from Swindon, had been interested in possibly listening to 6 Music since hearing it mentioned on Radio 4 yesterday.

She said: "Apparently they had a show with those quirky comedians I quite liked. I want to say 'Brian and Terry'…

"Anyway, it's perfectly obvious that my lack of interest in niche programming is entirely the fault of Rupert Murdoch and his 4000 channels of crap including that dreadful Sky Arts which is actually not that bad and is probably what BBC2 should have been doing all along."

Meanwhile Conservative culture spokesman Ed Vaizey admitted he had made a terrible mistake and was switching his support to the closure threatened BBC Asian Network after realising that audience was much more likely to vote Tory than the Glastonbury-loving tosspots who listen to Radio 6.


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Chunky Children Ever So Jolly

OVERWEIGHT children are three times more likely to be jolly than their slender counterparts, according to new research.

Figures from the Institute for Studies show a strong correlation between giggling and chunkiness among Britiain's under 13s.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: "Obese children are lovely little chaps, with their smiley, moon-like faces, plump ruddy cheeks and generally unthreatening demeanour.

"They are also funny, both in the sense that they look amusing – especially when attempting to run or when they get wedged in a turnstile – and that they develop rapier-like wit in riposte to the constant verbal abuse.

"For example, I asked one little fellow why he was so fat and he replied, 'Because every time I fuck your mum she gives me a chocolate eclair'.

"Meanwhile police figures confirm that thinner kids are fast-moving, dishonest and more prone to burglary and violent crimes."

Professor Brubaker insisted schools could do more to encourage childhood joviality, adding: "Traditional tuck shops should be replaced by vast tubs of cream, studded with free cakes, buns and chocolatey biscuits, that children can dive into and swim around in, gobbling up treats like Pacman gobbles up power pills."

Wayne Hayes, a 12-year-old from Stevenage, also known as Fat Owl, Jabba, Chubzilla, Goliath, Dump Truck and Porkenstein's Monster, said: "Crisps make me happy. So I'm never unhappy. Unless I haven't got crisps. Which never happens."

He added: "Go on, tickle me, you'll love it."