BBC confident it can find a new prick

THE BBC has confirmed that Top Gear will continue without Jeremy Clarkson as Britain is awash with boorish oafs.

Director general Tony Hall said the show’s format was guaranteed as he could just walk into a sports bar and ask if anyone wanted to be on television.

Hall added: “There was nothing miraculous about Top Gear’s success. Clarkson and the audience are entirely interchangeable.

“Indeed, I would like to thank Jeremy for helping a generation of pricks refine and perfect their utter dickishness.”

Sports bar regular Martin Bishop said: “My tastes are exactly as you would expect. And, for the avoidance of doubt, I refer to things I dislike as ‘gay’.

“I sometimes use racist words, but certainly don’t see myself as racist, though some people may disagree. Gay people.”

Bishop added: “And I’m guessing Clarkson just wandered through his house making a list of things he could compare cars to.

“Yes, I can do this.”