BBC director general Mark Thompson has admitted that most of the licence fee money has been spent on crack cocaine.
An inquiry was launched last month after state of the art BBC-branded camera equipment and a satellite truck were discovered at the White City branch of Cash Swappers, while visitors to Television Centre noticed that the building appeared to be mostly empty, smelt of fecal matter and was partly on fire.
The director general said: “When you have a lot of money around, things go wrong. It’s a law of the universe or something.
“There were bad people coming over, hanging out in the edit suites. I suppose… I suppose it’s like, a thing or whatever, you know. Shit.”
Thompson stressed the BBC would make it up to licence payers by lowering the annual fee to a beer, or whatever spare change people happen to have on them.
Insiders say the corporation’s problems began shortly after the appointment of new Head of Interactment Envisionisation, Pete ‘The Viking’.
A senior source said: “The Viking came here ostensibly to host a lunchtime free jazz workshop designed to maximise the creativity of senior broadcast journalists.
“After some thoroughly half-arsed improvisational exercises he asked us if we wanted to feel really, really good, better even than if we’d just edited a particularly strong Afghanistan package for Newsnight.
“A couple of days later no-one was even bothering to do the news and there were poos everywhere.”
Television fan Tom Logan said: “I had wondered why last week’s Antiques Roadshow was a ‘pipes only’ special, with Fiona Bruce very evidently missing half her teeth.
“It was much better.”