THE Radio One breakfast show is to be hosted by a six month old baby, the BBC has confirmed.
Corporation executives wanted to replace current presenter Chris Moyles with someone younger, but have taken almost a year to find a candidate who did not make the veteran DJ seem like an idiot foetus.
A BBC spokesman said: “We brought in some people in their twenties, but they were far, far, far, far more emotionally and intellectually mature than Chris Moyles. They may as well have been in their mid-seventies.
“So then we auditioned some teenagers who do nothing but sit around all day playing Grand Theft Auto and fiddling with their genitals. But again, they had so much intelligence and wisdom compared to Chris Moyles. It was as if they were a different species.
“Then we tried a 10 year-old boy who picks his arse and then eats it and likes to torture bees. He told us that amongst his age group, Chris Moyles is regarded as pathetically asinine.
“We then went through a series of progressively younger children, all to no avail. There was a two year-old who seemed to have a similar sense of humour to Chris Moyles, but unfortunately she was nowhere near as self-absorbed and petulant.
“Anyway, last week we finally cracked it. Jack has just turned six months old and loves wallowing in his own faeces and is tremendously amused by his feet.
“His presenting style involves hitting the microphone over and over and over again, screaming at the top of his lungs for no reason whatsoever and then enthusiastically shitting himself.
“Developmentally we reckon he’s about 20 minutes behind Chris Moyles. So, mission accomplished.”
Moyles will leave the BBC at end of the month and is expected to become the new director of programmes at Channel Four.