BBC unveils post-Brexit Top Gear line-up

THE BBC has revealed its post-Brexit Top Gear presenters chosen deliberately to horrify and alienate viewers around the world. 

The motoring show, once one of BBC Worldwide’s most popular, has chosen parochial Northerners Paddy McGuinness and Freddy Flintoff to give foreigners a two-fingered salute they will not even understand.

McGuinness, whose very name is a witless pub bore’s parody of Irishness, said: “Foreigners? What do they know about cars?

“We’ll be driving vintage Rovers, Morgans, Triumphs and the classic Austin Allegro around the highways and byways of Worksop, Doncaster and Filey, remarking on how only a fool would ever leave these blessed shores.

“Occasionally we’ll review a Maserati, crash it, and walk away telling its Italian owner that he can bugger himself with a brush if he wants paying for it. Not our problem.

“The show’s going right back to the casual misogyny and xenophobia that made it such a success, and getting right rid of all these Yanks and Germans that’ve been cluttering it up.

“And if all that doesn’t make the foreigns turn off, we’ll get Freddie to talk about cricket.”