THE ability to play an instrument is only cool until you turn 30, after which point it is a sign you have failed at life, it has been confirmed.
Individuals who can strum a few chords or hammer out a song on a keyboard should enjoy their street cred while they can, because the second they turn 30 they will be regarded as tragic failures and a detriment to society.
Donna Sheridan, partner of guitarist Tom Booker, said: “I instantly fell in love with Tom when we were teenagers because he could play ‘Wonderwall’. But he’s 29 now and shows no sign of moving on so I’m starting to panic.
“Unless he puts his guitar away and starts applying for proper jobs I’m going to have to dump him. Even if he makes it big in the next few months, which he won’t, I’m walking. It’s too little too late.”
Booker said: “Being a musician over 30 is fine. You can still play in pubs or form a cover band with your recently chucked friends. Sure, all of these options are deeply embarrassing, but it would be a shame to waste my talent.
“And I can give music lessons to kids. I could be nurturing the next Jimmy Page, if my two pupils weren’t such talentless f**kers. And there’s busking. I can easily earn a cool 24 quid a day doing ‘A Groovy Kind of Love’ in the shopping precinct.”
Reflecting on his life, Booker added: “Oh who am I kidding, I wish I was in the 27 Club.”