Bond producers struggling with Twiglets product placement

THE makers of new Bond film Spectre are struggling to incorporate Twiglets into the narrative.

Director Sam Mendes said: “It’s a nightmare but the Twiglets people ponied up a ton of cash.

“So now when Bond orders a Martini he has to add ‘and some Twiglets please’.

“We’ve got a contract stipulating X amount of Twiglets screen time, which means Blofeld has to offer Bond a bowl of the savoury snack every time they meet.

“Of course Bond accepts, because for the purposes of the story he loves Twiglets, so they sit there munching away for a bit which really deflates the tension.

“This is almost as bad as trying to convince the audience that a sophisticated international spy would drink Heineken.”

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Men desperate to appear knowledgeable about boxing

MILLIONS of men are making unconvincing attempts to show off their boxing knowledge.

Thinks Rocky was a real person

The resurgence in the testosterone-packed sport, coupled with fitness classes where desk workers hit a bag until they feel a bit tired, has led men to try to capitalise on their limited grasp of boxing history and technique.

Sales administrator Julian Cook said: “I’ve been into boxing since it was Mike Tyson and the other people who Mike Tyson used to fight.

“He was really good at right hooks and other types of punching. Overall he was just a classic puncher.”

Booker described a recent boxing knowledge clash at a party after a female colleague said British heavyweight Anthony Joshua was attractive.

“This other guy stepped in to say he’d seen Joshua’s fight against Michael Sprott.

“I threw a couple of Muhammad Ali quotes at him and then hit him with the ‘Sugar Ray fighting the German guy during the war’ story.

“But then he blocked my Sugar Ray Robinson story and landed with ‘It was actually Joe Lewis who fought the German guy’.

“With round one over we retired to opposite corners of the room to look up more boxing facts on our phones.”