Bootleg Beatles split up by Bootleg Yoko

BRITAIN’S leading Beatles tribute band has split up after an encounter with Japan’s foremost Yoko Ono impersonator.

The popular mock Scousers were attending a lookalike convention in London when they bumped into top Yoko mimic, Marika Shirasuka.

Bootleg John Lennon said: “I was instantly taken with her, but I could tell the rest of the lads weren’t so keen. Bootleg Paul kept saying, ‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’.”

He added: “Anyway, we were having a drink and she said, ‘Listen, why don’t you fuck off those three other dicks, and come and do music and shagging with me instead?’.

“I suddenly thought, ‘Yeah, actually, I’m sick of spending my life copying John Lennon – I’m going to do something different for once, and shack up with an enigmatic Japanese woman.'”

Bootleg Paul McCartney said: “It’s a shame, but I’ve got tons of exciting new projects in the pipeline.

“I’m going to form and then dismantle the Bootleg Wings, do something with the Bootleg Frogs and then in 30 years’ time, I’ll collaborate with the Bootleg Kanye West.”


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Guardian fascinated by Wetherspoon’s breakfasts

THE Guardian has launched an investigation into why people choose to have breakfast at Wetherspoon’s.

The paper believes it has identified a ‘fascinating and disturbing socio-economic trend’ involving millions of ordinary people paying £2.99 for bacon and eggs.

The investigation explores the troubling reasons why consumers do not eat somewhere else, or pay more than they need to for a plate of food.

Tom Logan, a Wetherspoon’s customer in Peterborough, said: “A reporter sat down next to me, without my permission, and asked me why I felt forced to do what I was doing.

“I told him it was half past eight in the morning and that I’m eating. And then I told him to fuck off.”

Jane Thompson, from Stevenage, added: “I told the reporter that it’s £2.99 and it’s on my way to work. He said that was absolutely fascinating and disturbing.

“And then I told him to fuck off.”