HOPING to capitalise on the success of the exploits of a drug-addled animal, film producers have reimagined Cocaine Bear for the British market.
While the original tells the tale of the bloody fallout after a wild bear swallows an entire block of cocaine, the remake follows the aftermath of an urban fox lapping up a discarded WKD Blue in a Wetherspoons car park.
Director Jack Browne said: “We wanted to keep the spirit of the original, while also staying true to the locations and wildlife of Britain. So rather than a bear going on a violent rampage through small town America, our film sees a drunk fox trying to bite a postman in a Milton Keynes cul-de-sac.
“We’re breaking new ground in terms of CGI. Creating a realistic-looking fox is child’s play, but bringing one to life that’s staggering about out of its tree on alcopops? That’s new territory.”
Critics have labelled the remake ‘completely unnecessary’, ‘entirely underwhelming’ and ‘stupid bollocks’, but the film’s creators remain defiant.
Browne said: “Focus groups have demonstrated that things like cocaine and bears are far too exotic and unrelatable for British audiences.
“So our film shows stuff they’re familiar with, like a fox knocking some bins over or drinking so much sugary pre-made vodka mix that you piss yourself.”
