YOU used to go to raves with just a can of Red Stripe and a pocketful of drugs. Now you go to open-air concerts with half the contents of your house and kitchen. Here’s your packing checklist:
Camping chairs
Every member of your party needs an expensive folding chair with cup holder and padded seat, as you’re over 40 now and your back hurts if you stand up for longer than nine minutes.
Gazebo
Dogs mark their territory with piss; middle-aged open-air concert-goers use gazebos. Step inside the boundary of someone else’s gazebo at your peril.
Blanket
If for some bizarre reason you don’t own a gazebo, you can guard your space with a blanket instead. Must roll up and be secured with Velcro straps. Will be mouldy because you forgot to dry it out after it rained when you saw ‘Lesley Garrett Sings Rave Hits of the Nineties’ last year.
Umbrella
Because it’s guaranteed to rain. Must be huge.
Alcohol
Prosecco. And cocktails in cans. And Sauvignon Blanc. And bottles of Peroni. And a can of Coke for Jeremy, who’s driving. All packed in a cool box the size of a fridge.
Food
Had Scott of the Antarctic taken as much food on his South Pole expedition as you’re taking to see Paul Weller at Westonbirt Arboretum, he’d have easily survived. The local area will experience a serious hummus drought.
Gaviscon
You once took so much acid at a Chemical Brothers gig that you heard colours and tasted time. Now you drop heartburn tablets, because the M&S brie on rosemary crackers was just too moreish.
Thermos
Filled with tea. Because you can’t drink alcohol after 10.30pm or you’ll be hungover for the next three days.
Hand gel and toilet roll
Because even at a concert filled with people in their 40s and 50s the portaloos will be disgusting and you’re too sophisticated to piss in a hedge nowadays.
Sensible shoes
For driving home in. And dancing in. High heels and the manicured lawns of the National Heritage properties where you exclusively attend gigs nowadays don’t mix.
First aid kit
Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it, you say to yourself. By this reasoning, you also bring sunscreen, wet wipes, a cushion, your favourite wine glass and a book to read while you wait for the concert to start.
