Monday, 10th May 2021

Carrie Symonds to do Strictly and shag dancer

CARRIE Symonds is to appear on Strictly Come Dancing, last until the semi-finals and have a torrid affair with her dance partner, she has confirmed. 

After reports that the hit show is eager to sign her up, Symonds will go on it to earn a much-needed £40,000 to buy a side table, improve her PR and enjoy hot sex with an attractive, well-muscled gentleman. 

A friend said: “Strictly curse? More like a Strictly blessing.

“Carrie’s a PR genius, as she’s amply demonstrated during her time in Downing Street, and she’s aware that sleeping with Johnson is damaging perceptions of her hotness. 

“So she’s planning to strut her stuff in spangles on the dancefloor while making it perfectly obvious she’s doing the horizontal tango offscreen. She fancies Aljaz for that, but any of them would do. 

“In week one she’ll do the foxtrot and be pictured kissing him in a London bar, in week three it’s a Viennese waltz and leaving a hotel, by week six it’s the Samba and being caught mid-coitus in Downing Street. 

“Boris? He’s fine with it because for reasons no one understands it will all just make him even more popular.”