Characters who can't stop shagging each other, according to weird fan art

YOU can hardly call yourself a fan of a property unless you’ve drawn your favourite characters f**king like dogs. These are the most popular pairings: 

Sam & Frodo

The undercurrent of erotic tension was always there between these hairy-footed freaks. Their relationship was, no doubt, consummated on the very rim of Mount Doom. But does every fansite have to dwell on it at such length? Can we not accept that Frodo destroyed two rings that day and move on?

Shrek & Donkey

Fiona? Nothing but a beard. Inter-species shagger Donkey was riding that green ogre hard as portrayed by fine artist OgreBlower on the Shrek fan forums and his DeviantArt. Witness a donkey expressing its love for its owner in a way that is truly a dark, irreverent fairytale.

Snape & Dumbledore

Ever wanted to see a poorly realised drawing of goth Alan Rickman holding a dick like a wand, as the head of Hogwarts exposes his wise old arse? Take a trip through any Harry Potter fan site. Apparently there’s no defence against those dark arts.

Batman & Robin

Criminals running riot through the Gotham night? Where are the Dynamic Duo? Otherwise engaged, according to fan art, nude for their masks and capes, with Batman’s utility belt exchanged for a classy genital torture cage. The fans are fine with it. They’ve accepted it. Nothing else makes sense.

Anyone at all in anime

To the average anime-ignorant person, there is no discernable difference between art from the show and fan art. Everyone has insane hair, giant swords, is neither definitively male or female and is shagging someone who looks the same. You might have breezed through the worst filth on the internet and haven’t even noticed.

Mr Blobby & Noel Edmonds

Click ‘next page’ on any fan art forum for long enough and you’ll hit renditions of a guest opening the door at Crinkley Bottom to see Mr Blobby and Edmonds going at it hammer and tongs, Edmunds choking Blobby, the gunge tank looming overhead. Click away. You weren’t meant to see that.

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People who bought houses they can't afford obviously in shit

ANYONE who bought a house they could not afford on the basis that interest rates would be 0.1 per cent forever is in deep shit, banks have confirmed. 

Rising mortgage rates are set to throw hundreds of thousands who stretched themselves to the limit for their perfect home into a crisis which might be unexpected to them but is not to everyone else.

Jo Kramer of Shoreditch said: “Kirstie Allsopp always said to take on the largest mortgage you can afford, and we took that advice because we wanted a massive house.

“Unfortunately, borrowing four-and-a-half times our income during a global downturn has turned out, much to our surprise, to be more than we can afford. Significantly more. As in my credit card got turned down at Lidl yesterday.

“It can’t be treated as if it’s our own fault, like we’d bought an expensive car or something. Houses don’t follow normal economic rules. They’re always worth more than when you bought them and you’re not allowed to be taxed on them, I read it in the Telegraph.

“We’re not greedy. We just wanted a five-bedroom home with an orchard, conservatory and library annexe that we couldn’t pay for. Is that so wrong?”

She added: “We’d planned to flip it in eight years for a hundred grand. Now that dream might never be realised.”