MINORS are not ready for how amazing you look when you smoke, campaigners have warned.
The World Health Organisation wants all films featuring smokers to be rated 18 because children have not earned the right to see people looking so amazingly suave.
Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “Child brains are small and rubbish, so the sight of Lauren Bacall asking Humphrey Bogart for a light might make their head explode from too much panache.
“Even Groucho Marx waggling his cigar at somebody has enough sophistication to make them dizzy, so they should probably stick with wisecracking otters or whatever shit they’re into these days.”
Health officials say that just 10 minutes viewing a person smoking on screen may be enough to make a child wish to choose a life of pleasurable indolence rather than joyless productivity.