Consumers Vow To Remain Oblivious To Music Copying Laws

CONSUMERS last night promised to continue ignoring the law, despite a government pledge not to throw them in jail for copying their own CDs. 

But the music industry said it objected to the change, claiming it breaches the fundamental principle that all music remains the property of the music industry for all time, even after people have paid for it and taken it home.

A government spokesman said: “Apparently millions of people are stealing music off themselves and playing it to themselves illegally in their cars and on their MP3s.

“This is a flagrant breach of an unenforceable law which makes us look like an arse, so we have now decided that you can do it.”

Music listener Nikki Hollis, 16, said she had no idea it was against the law for her to make copies of her own property.

She added: “And d'you know what? I don't fucking care.”

Tom Logan, professor of consumer law at Dundee University, said the CD copying laws were just one of many ancient statutes that were now routinely ignored.

“For instance, while it may be perfectly legal to buy a dog, it is actually against the law to give it a name.

“And although you are within your rights to deposit your bodily waste in a lavatory, the Toilet Laws of 1873 say you must not flush and should instead remove your leavings with a spoon.”

A music industry spokesman said: “Huge amounts of money went into the invention of muscial notes.

“F# alone cost £14 billion. We need to recoup that investment. And get money to buy drugs.”

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French Voters Embrace 'Le Pump Totale'

THE French have abandoned their traditional disinterest in the private lives of politicians, labeling the girlfriend of President Sarkozy a 'total pump'.

Carla Bruni, the model and actress, has been taken to French hearts with many admitting they have been won over by her stunning shagability.

Traditionally the French ignored the sexual adventures of their leaders, partly because they valued personal privacy, but mostly because the women involved were rather plain.

But Bruni, including her amazing legs and knock-out boobs, has led to a resurgence in French national pride.

Christian DeLange, political commentator for Le Monde, said: "I have no doubt Sarah Brown is, how you say, a delightful woman and she may even look good in boots.

"But Carla Bruni, she is une hump par excellence. You would, how you say, need a crane to get me off her."

Albert Lamarque, the celebrated poet and activist, said: "France is great once more. We will soon have a first lady who all the world will want to have sexual intercourse with."

He added: "Carla Bruni – c'est magnifique. She makes Catherine Deneuve look like, how you say, Ken Dodd."