GUESTS at a garden party have confirmed they would rather have spent the evening in the presence of coronavirus than the man who turned up with a ukulele.
Whilst everyone who attended the party stayed outside and adhered to social distancing rules, they said they would have preferred to breathe potentially deadly germs into each other’s faces than listen to yet another rendition of Riptide.
Party-goer Sophie Rodriguez said: “This is the first social event most of us have been to in months and then this twat turns up playing twee songs on his stupid tiny instrument and shits all over it.
“I would honestly rather squeeze into the kitchen with everyone else and risk getting Covid than spend another minute out here with him playing Thong Song in a minor key and thinking it’s clever.
“What possesses a person to think a ukulele is a good thing to bring to a party for adults? Haven’t we all suffered enough?
“Though I suppose it could have been worse. He could have had an acoustic guitar and insisted we all sing along to Wonderwall.”