Cumberbatch’s mum thinks he was shit in 'Star Trek'

BENEDICT Cumberbatch’s mother last night praised her son’s Hamlet saying it was ‘a million times better than that shit he did in Star Trek’.

Mrs Cumberbatch said his performance as Khan in Star Trek: Into Darkness was ‘over-the-top balls’.

She added: “I phoned him as soon as I came out of the cinema and I was like, ‘Seriously? Is that what the acting lessons were for?’.

“I told him that he better do Hamlet in the West End and it had better be shit-hot.

“He didn’t let me down because he’s a good boy. Even though the rest of the production is piss.”

Mr Cumberbatch said her son was quite good as Alan Turing, but his Sherlock Holmes is ‘only okay’, adding: “It’s all a bit mannered, isn’t it?”

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Office pettiness ‘enjoyed by all’

BEING petty in the work place is the main reason people go to work in the morning.

Researchers found that pathetic, work-based squabbles about biscuits, staplers and unwashed cups provided greater incentive than a promotion or a pay rise.

Office worker, Mary Fisher, said: “At home I couldn’t give a flying toss if my husband doesn’t wash his cup straight after using it.

“But at work, it’s like a feast. A huge passive-aggressive feast.”

Fisher explained that she starts by leaving a ‘little note’ and then ‘ramps it up’ by mentioning the unwashed cup while standing next to someone’s desk.

She added: “It makes me feel magnificent.”

Fisher’s colleague Tom Booker said: “Someone brought in a big tin of Roses last Christmas. But I fucking hate this place and everyone in it, so I took out all the purple ones and hid them.

“I didn’t even eat them myself. I just wanted to make sure none of these arseholes did. It was better than sex.”