THE Dalai Lama is looking forward to his weekend at the anti-capitalist Glastonbury Festival where organic burgers are just £12.
It is the Buddhist demigod’s first visit to the festival in his many lives, and he is particularly keen to queue for bottled water, pose for selfies with drunk marketing executives from Battersea and use the world famous ‘toilets’.
His Holiness 14th Dalai Lama said: “One may travel the world teaching the Four Noble Truths, but true enlightenment comes from using the EE phone charging Power Bar Exchange Point.
“Is the ordinary burger, available for just £3 at a train station, and the ‘dirty burger’ with smoked cheddar and Bombay fries for £12, merely the same burger, reverberating through time?
“I will move on from the intermediary stage of existence only when I have stood in a field next to drunks rapping out of time to Kanye West, repeatedly asking strangers if they’ve got any charlie.”
Glastonbury organiser Emily Eavis said: “The Dalai Lama wants to promote his message of compassion, non-violence and the oneness of humanity, so we’re hoping he’ll do something with Mark Ronson.”