DWAYNE ‘The Rock’ Johnson, who has been very successful portraying a wall of muscle, now wishes to be a serious actor. He and we will both regret it, as with these:
Will Smith
He’d transitioned to sitcom star and novelty rapper to movie star and movie-theme rapper, so why wouldn’t Will feel no cage could contain his abundant talent? Went well at first with 2001’s Ali, then glumfest turkeys The Pursuit of Happyness and Seven Pounds followed and suddenly you’re such a dick you’re punching Chris Rock and playing gigs in Cardiff.
Michelle Pfeiffer
When your beauty has every film critic salivating, even the broadsheet ones, you’ll believe you can do better than Catwoman. You’ll start taking roles in period Scorsese movies, in adaptations of off-Broadway plays, of Pulitzer Prize-winning novels. Then you’ll notice your only successful roles are romcoms and Dangerous Minds, and get the message.
Keanu Reeves
Poor Keanu. He has the soul and the looks of a poet, which is why he spent his early career hopelessly miscast in Dangerous Liasons, My Own Private Idaho, and Much Ado About Nothing. It was only when he said ‘Woah’ in The Matrix that Hollywood realised: he’s not an actor! He’s an action movie star! And cast accordingly.
Demi Moore
After a career marked by whirlwinds of hype around weak performances, Demi Moore been trying to make the pivot to heavyweight for decades. It failed in 1995’s The Scarlet Letter, it failed in 2024’s The Substance, and it’s failed in numerous independent films you’ve never heard of inbetween. What’s wrong with just being hot? And being happy with that?
Bill Murray
It’s not like Murray’s serious films failed. He was excellent in Lost In Translation and decent in many other roles. It just hurts more with comedians because they could be out here being so funny you cry with laughter, and instead they’re doing an arthouse film where they’re glum. We should be able to charge them with wasting their gift.
