Ed Sheeran breaks into Sunday Times World’s Dullest Shite List

ED Sheeran has made it into the respected Sunday Times list of the most tedious music acts in the world.

The singer-songwriter’s high earnings and dreary output have allowed him to take his place among MOR legends such as Elton John, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Michael Flatley.

Sheeran said: “When I started out I tried to be spiky and interesting. I’m embarrassed by how little I knew about bland, commercial crap.

“With practise and hard work I realised the key marketing demographic is people who want non-intrusive Spotify fodder that goes down equally well at a barbecue, wedding or funeral.

“I rented a cottage and just sat there with my acoustic guitar writing song after song, all the time asking myself, ‘How can I be as bland as Zayn Malik?’

“The answer, of course, was Galway Girl.”

Sir Elton John said: “Ed Sheeran is an exciting new voice in the musical mainstream. One day he could write a Nikita or whatever Coldplay’s songs are called.”

Sheeran added: “This is my chance to take creative risks. I’m currently working on a West End musical featuring my own hits and some songs by Queen.”