ED Sheeran has made it into the respected Sunday Times list of the most tedious music acts in the world.
The singer-songwriter’s high earnings and dreary output have allowed him to take his place among MOR legends such as Elton John, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Michael Flatley.
Sheeran said: “When I started out I tried to be spiky and interesting. I’m embarrassed by how little I knew about bland, commercial crap.
“With practise and hard work I realised the key marketing demographic is people who want non-intrusive Spotify fodder that goes down equally well at a barbecue, wedding or funeral.
“I rented a cottage and just sat there with my acoustic guitar writing song after song, all the time asking myself, ‘How can I be as bland as Zayn Malik?’
“The answer, of course, was Galway Girl.”
Sir Elton John said: “Ed Sheeran is an exciting new voice in the musical mainstream. One day he could write a Nikita or whatever Coldplay’s songs are called.”
Sheeran added: “This is my chance to take creative risks. I’m currently working on a West End musical featuring my own hits and some songs by Queen.”