Man hasn't had sex since 2015 due to Manic Street Preachers

A MAN’S family are worried he will never find a partner due to his love of stolid alt-rockers the Manic Street Preachers.

Nathan Muir is one of the few people who can name the band’s drummer and owns their entire back catalogue, including the latest album which nobody noticed them releasing.

Muir’s mum Helen said: “Nathan hasn’t had a girlfriend in ages. I couldn’t understand why, but then I realised there’s something about the Manics that puts women off.

“Maybe it’s the earnestness, the dated punk sloganeering, the angst about things that aren’t entirely clear? Also I think a 39-year-old man wearing a ‘Generation Terrorists’ top sends out all the wrong signals.

“All credit to them for their solidly crafted anthemic rock, but I’m going to have to get Nathan into Radiohead or something if I ever want to have grandchildren.”

Muir said: “I’m sorry, but if a woman doesn’t think A Design For Life is the greatest song ever written and doesn’t listen to it four times a day I don’t see how the relationship could ever work.”

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Man thinks you're interested in how much water he drinks

A MAN believes the quantity of water he drinks is really important to other people.

Graphic designer Martin Bishop tells people he drinks a lot of water as if it is a real achievement to carry out one of the most basic human activities.

Co-worker Emma Bradford said: “Martin says he drinks at least 12 glasses of water a day and always has a bottle on his desk, but so what? We’re not in the fucking Sahara.

“He says he’s upped his intake from the recommended two litres to 3.5 to account for his busy lifestyle. He acted like this was really important. It’s not.

“He’s not going to die of thirst because there are these things called ‘taps’. He should do what my dog does and just have a drink when he’s thirsty. Maybe we should get him a bowl.”

Bishop said: “I’ve had eight glasses of water today already. It really flushes your system out, so I’ve been pissing like a horse. Just thought you’d be interested in that.

“I’m more hydrated, more full of energy and much happier. Except that time I wet myself on the Tube after going mad on the old Evian.”