Ed Sheeran quietly confident that next single will do well at regional corporate awards ceremonies

ED Sheeran admitted he does not want to jinx it, but he can see more than a few regional sales award winners taking the stage to his next track come December. 

The singer-songwriter hopes Dreams So Big will be popular with planners of annual sales conferences for the moment when the top-selling agent for the West Midlands is asked to come up and get their engraved glass trophy.

He said: “This is the big one, you know? This is the mountain that every artist has to climb.

“I’ve already done the song you can’t avoid at weddings, the song you hate in the nightclub and the song your Irish auntie puts on when she’s had three Cinzanos, but the corporate world remains unconquered.

“Coming up with something as featurelessly life-affirming as Take That’s Greatest Day, The Script’s Hall of Fame or Katy Perry’s Firework is a massive challenge. Only the blandest can take it on.

“To be honest, I was spurred into it by Calvin Harris’s Giant. Magnificent. Now there’s a track truly worthy of following the words ‘And for surpassing her branch’s targets for the fourth year running, it’s…’”

Conference organiser Sue Traherne said: “Ed Sheeran? Ooh no. These are important awards, and he’s scruffy.”