Ed Sheeran wondering what to ruin next

SINGER-songwriter Ed Sheeran has already ruined music, Game of Thrones and ketchup but cannot decide what to wreck next. 

Sheeran, who this weekend makes his big-screen debut bollocksing up a new Richard Curtis romantic comedy, has admitted that he is looking for a new challenge.

He said: “I came from Suffolk, just one boy and a guitar and a dream of ruining everything for everybody who ever laughed at me for being ginger. Which is everyone.

“I’ve already made daytime radio unlistenable for the next 40 years, so I’ve proved I have the power. But what’s next?

“There’s so much amazing art, food and culture in the world that I just don’t know which well to poison. A stage musical? A novel? What else do people innocently enjoy?

“Every morning I look in the mirror and remind myself how lucky I am to be where I am. How many other people can pick and choose which cultural icons to p*ss all over at will?”

Cultural experts have urged for wide-ranging protections for national treasures like QI, Star Wars and Ribena before Sheeran gets to them, while bookmaker Paddy Power has 3/1 odds on Sheeran somehow being able to ruin the concept of ‘holidays’.