Entire nation formation dancing to Uptown Funk

THE whole of the UK is performing exuberant choreographed dance routines in the streets to number one record Uptown Funk.

Like this, except pissing down

The country’s population left their dwellings as one this morning and boogied their way to work wearing bright primary-coloured suits and dresses, weaving between bins and bus-stops as they shook their stuff to the beat.

Even the traffic sped up, slowed and flashed its lights along to the Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars single, accompanying the frenzied brass stabs of the chorus with their horns.

Martin Bishop, from Hatfield, said: “I stepped out of the house and, as if I were Morris Day from The Time, pirouetted on my doorstep to slam it closed and commenced strutting down the street.

“Then I noticed I was exactly in time with every one of my neighbours, each of whom had a perfectly synchronised version of Uptown Funk in their own heads.

“I love it when there’s a big song like this. It reminds me of the summer of 2013, when me and all the lads in the office performed co-ordinated sexual harassment to Blurred Lines

The craze covered 99.8 per cent of the country, with King’s Lynn, Norfolk, the sole exception, where they danced to Uptown Girl by Billy Joel because they got confused.


Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

'I'm like Famke Janssen from X-Men, but slightly more haggard'

Dear Holly,
I keep having these crazy dreams where it’s the future and I’ve got superpowers. As well as X-Ray vision and supersonic hearing, I’m also telepathic. I’m like Famke Janssen from that X-Men film but slightly more haggard. Anyway, I become omniscient ruler of the universe and things are great until the end when I have a threesome with David Cameron and Erich Mielke. Do you think I should lay off the cheese?
Theresa May
Dear Theresa,
Sometimes it’s better not to know what people are saying about you behind your back, because the chances are it’s not very nice. That’s why, if you are a teacher, and you intercept an illicit note being passed around you should just toss it away and NEVER go back to the bin to read it when the class are dismissed because then you will discover that you look like Rolf Harris, your breath smells of bell-ends and you are having a lesbian affair with Mrs Rigby.
Hope that helps!