BRITAIN’S Eurovision entrants received a summons letter forcing them to perform, it has emerged.
Artists’ increasing reluctance to perform has forced the move to legally compel random citizens to become a camp musical phenomenon.
A subpoena arrived in the mail for Alex Larke and Bianca Nicholas, who were told that they were now a double act called Electro Velvet and would have to perform in Vienna.
Larke said: “As soon as I saw the letter with the official Eurovision stamp, I broke into a cold sweat.
“I’m seeking legal advice, but it’s been made clear that if I refuse I could face 10 years in prison, or even have to do the Royal Variety Show.
“I imagine this is what virgins used to feel like when told they were to be burned in a wicker man.”
Nicholas said: “They gave me a mini Union Jack, a tacky sparkly dress and a charmless song, now it’s up to me to deliver 12 points, mostly from Ireland.
“Didn’t Morrissey say he would do it? He’s the greatest lyricist of his generation. I don’t even like music.”