Even Big Brother not watching Big Brother

THE Channel 5 TV series Big Brother is no longer under surveillance by anyone, it has emerged. 

The reality TV show is the one location in the UK not constantly being monitored by the security services, with its inhabitants enjoying total privacy.

An MI5 spokesman said: “1984’s prediction of a total surveillance state in which even the most conformist citizens are constantly watched for possible thoughtcrime came true, apart from a single house.

“There, even though the cameras are running 24 hours a day and the footage is theoretically broadcast nationwide, you can live your life knowing that nobody is observing you because of the sheer boredom of doing so.

“War is peace, freedom is slavery, appearing on telly is the only way to remain unseen. It’s totes Orwellian.”

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Employer obeys employment law

BURGER restaurant Byron has been accused of acting in full accordance with UK immigration law. 

The chain has angered customers by co-operating with immigration services, betraying employees who had lied about their identities, just to avoid potentially unlimited fines.

Eleanor Shaw, who has vowed never to eat in a Byron again, said: “What other laws do they obey? All of them?

“They should have hidden all the employees who weren’t legally allowed to work in an attic behind a secret door until all this immigration business blows over.

“Instead they sold out, choosing their future as a viable business over dozens of staff who weren’t legally able to work.

“If the whole chain had been shut down in a nationwide immigration investigation, with prison sentences and the loss of 1,500 jobs, I for one would have been proud.”

Shaw added: “I shall be going to a rival chain this weekend, and I shall ask for my burger to be cooked by an undocumented worker on less than the minimum wage. In solidarity.”