BRITAIN needs to get a bloody grip and stop crying every time it watches a film, experts have claimed.
As the Guardian persisted with its series on ‘the film that makes me cry’, the Institute for Studies said the newspaper was reflecting a disturbing trend for making everything less enjoyable.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Some twat in the Guardian said they cry at Local Hero. Which bit? Seriously, which fucking bit of Local Hero is making you cry?
“The bit at the end when the American is back in Houston and gets some Scottish seashells out of his pocket? It’s poignant, I’ll give you that. But crying? Really?
“Another one said they cried at Fantastic Mr Fox. The bit when Mr Fox salutes the black wolf is magnificent, but if you cry at that then my guess is that what you’re really crying about is how beautiful and poetic you are.
“You need to stop doing that.”
Brubaker added: “Do you know what film made me cry? What We Did on Our Holiday with Billy Connolly and David Tennant. Do you know why? Because I love Billy Connolly and it was fucking shit.
“Everyone get a grip, immediately.”