Families furious at disappointing Game of Thrones fun day

DOZENS of angry parents have complained about a badly organised Game of Thrones fun day.

The family event at Knutsford Recreation Park was described as a “rip-off” due to a lack of parking facilities, amateurish costumes and unconvincing depictions of extreme violence and torture.

Mum-of-two Donna Sheridan said: “The queues for the toilets were horrendous, and the recreation of Theon Greyjoy having his penis cut off was totally pathetic.

“The bloke playing Theon looked nothing like him and the severed member was clearly a saveloy sausage. My five-year-old Anna was so disappointed she cried.

“When you’ve paid £45 for a family ticket it’s just not good enough for Daenerys’ dragon to be a border collie with cardboard wings stuck on. We’d all bought ice creams for the slave master being burned to death too.”

Other complaints included a lack of catering except for a ‘gourmet’ burger stall with prices beginning at £9 and poor signage causing many families to completely miss Viserys Targaryen having his face melted off with liquid gold.

Parent Tom Logan said: “The whole thing was a joke. When someone’s having their eyeballs gouged you don’t expect their screams to be drowned out by a lorry emptying the chemical loos.

“Now I’ve got to make it up to the kids by taking them to The Human Centipede on Ice at the G-Mex.”

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
This week you learn two things – a ‘screen dump’ is a printout of a computer page and computer monitors are remarkably difficult to clean.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)  
Your meeting with Stella Creasy on Monday goes badly when you tell her that her name is a description of your face when you pass out pissed on your sofa.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
On Saturday you start a spoof Twitter account of an inanimate object and smile with delight as it quickly gets over 1,000 followers. Meanwhile, outside, the infinite cosmic whirl of eternity glides on as you scratch yourself.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
The main thing about raising kids is providing a stable home life and a positive role model. Or maybe just wetting yourself less than they do.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
You pride yourself on being something of a grammar Nazi, as well as a spelling fascist and a composition racist.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Tomorrow is a good time to seize the day. And a toothbrush, some clean underwear and as many Imodium as you can get your hands on. Don’t ask.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Time to nourish your spiritual side by trying to get in touch with whichever of your deceased relatives didn’t die cursing your name for eternity. There was that aunt?

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Saturn turns up at your doorstep on Sunday, dressed like Jupiter and looking over your shoulder to see if you’re alone in the house.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Drop a phat funky beat, a sick bassline and the pretence you’re still young enough to use phrases like that.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
After deciding to represent yourself in court this week, it goes so badly the charges are upped from shoplifting to genocide.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Trouble at work this week, when the search for a missing stapler uncovers your life-sized Gregg Wallace doll made of Post It notes.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
By reading this horoscope you agree to the terms & conditions of Psychic Bob and now owe me a kidney.