Saturday, 8th May 2021

Films you'll drop everything to watch even though they're utter sh*t

IF you’re prepared to make yourself late for an appointment because you wanted to see the end of Bad Boys II, you may be familiar with the rest of this list.

Flash Gordon

In theory, this super-camp sci-fi pantomime starring Brian Blessed (and whoever plays Flash) with a soundtrack by Queen and ropey special effects sounds like total sh*t. In practice it IS total sh*t, yet oddly compelling.

Con Air

Whilst the plot is ludicrous and the action slapstick, this big, stupid film is definitely worth sacking off a friend’s birthday for. As is pretty much any film starring Nicholas Cage. Let’s face it, the bee scene in the 2006 version of The Wicker Man is worth missing your own wedding for.

Cruel Intentions

In the 90s this was worth watching for the bit when Sarah Michelle Gellar snogged Selma Blair, but that looks tame by today’s standards. So all we’re left with is vile, entitled teenagers acting like utter dicks, which is somehow still totally watchable.

Love Actually

To be fair to this popular ‘feelgood’ movie, everyone involved in it deserves a punch in the face. Even the catering staff. The storylines make you want to curl up and die from the sheer embarrassment that someone could bring themselves to write such a load of twee tosh and yet it’s impossible not to watch to the end when it comes on the telly every sodding Christmas.


The story makes no logical sense, the acting is melodramatic and the theme tune is that terrible Aerosmith song that’s favoured by hen dos nine bottles of Prosecco deep into a karaoke session, but it’s still more satisfying than a night in the pub with your mates.