BACK then everyone left the door unlocked, children played outside and TV adverts were frothingly insane. All of these would be certified 18 today:
Smiths Jacket Crisps
Do you think about what you want to happen to you after death? These anthropomorphic potatoes certainly did, creating an acapella group to sing about how much they wanted to be cooked alive with their skins still on. They were joyful about it.
Count yourself lucky that the terrifying Mr Soft isn’t around nowadays, or this boneless monster in his melting world would interact with you on social media. Even in the 80s he was so trippy he inspired Oasis lyrics. Be glad he can’t reach you.
Weird and impeccably racist, this cinema advert featured a black-skinned boy in dungarees refusing to share his orangey drink with a gang of creepy crows who then assured him in gravelly tones: ‘I’ll be your dog’ and followed him forever. And the drink had nothing on Um Bongo.
The Cadbury’s Caramel Bunny
Yet another off-putting anthropomorphic mascot came in the form of a soft-spoken rabbit with a coquettish pink bow urging us to give in to the sexiness of… caramel. Allowed pre-watershed, it created a whole generation of blokes desperate to bonk a cartoon.
The Daz Doorstep Challenge
Remember when you lived in constant fear that Danny Baker would turn up at your doorstep and ask how white your whites were? Why he, or anyone, gave a shit is anyone’s guess, but it certainly stuck in your mind every time you spilt red wine down your shirt.