THERE are profoundly moving pop masterpieces and there’s All Saints’ Never Ever saying ‘the alphabet runs right from A to Z’. These lyrics also state the obvious:
‘Put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger, now he’s dead’
Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen
Thanks for talking everyone through that sequence of events. It didn’t seem likely the guy had got up and gone to get a plaster. The rest of the song makes up for it by being baffling nonsense howled by a choir of thousands.
‘It burns, burns, burns like a ring of fire’
Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash
Was Johnny warning a junior Cash not to touch the gas ring? Did his warning need to be so catchy? It’s a fairly basic fact to need to establish. To pad things out, he could have added ‘walk around it at a safe distance, call the fire brigade, and keep fireworks in a tin.’
‘We are family, I got all my sisters with me’
We Are Family, Sister Sledge
To be fair, if you were unaware that Sister Sledge were four sisters called Sledge in 1978, this song would have effectively conveyed that. In the 43 years since that’s become accepted fact and unnecessary to mention and yet the Sledges are still on about it on every oldies station.
‘I sing my song, my song’
Robbie Williams, Strong
Thanks for imparting that valuable information, Robbie. A real wake-up call for anyone who wrongly believed that you were welding a panel at a light engineering works. We could tell you were singing your song. Do you know why? Because we were listening to you do it.
‘I fought the law and the law won’
I Fought The Law, The Clash
Any individual going up against the police and legal system has the odds stacked against them. Even more so for punks with socialist ideals going against Thatcher-era Britain. It’s a David v Goliath fight, where Goliath is 110,000 police officers armed with truncheons, riot shields and very few doubts about violence. The winner was pre-ordained.