Five TV shows you'll only watch out of obligation

STRUGGLING to enjoy a TV show? Wish you were looking at the blank wall behind your telly instead? You’re probably watching one of these programmes.

Doctor Who

It’s been a couple of years since you actually enjoyed the hit sci-fi show for children. Nowadays you only tune in out of a misguided sense of duty because you stupidly built your whole identity around it. Your cynicism has got nothing to do with Jodie Whittaker though, who you progressively think is totally average in the lead role.

Some Marvel series bollocks

You never read their comics, you don’t enjoy their films, and yet here you are subscribing to Disney+ so you can watch a Marvel series you have no real interest in. Even if it’s well written and superbly produced, there’s still a nagging voice in your head telling you to grow up. And it’s right, you should.

The latest Netflix hit

You only felt compelled to watch the latest flavour of the month Netflix show because everyone you know is banging on about it. You’ll sit through every last tedious minute just so you can briefly join in with their conversations, before they move on to another terrible series and you have to do it all over again.

Peppa Pig

You’ve either endured the punishing agony of watching the same episode Peppa Pig on a loop for hours with your own kids, or been subjected to this torture in the company of someone else’s. The show’s banned in China though, so maybe think about emigrating to Beijing to escape the animated porcine pricks forever.

The news

You’re glued to your phone 24/7 so watching the news is redundant. This doesn’t stop you from sticking it on though in case there’s an exciting update or you get to see Naga Munchetty wearing a nice dress. The weather is pretty entertaining too, as far as speculative fiction with no connection to real life goes.

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Avoid, delay, deny: how to manage deadlines

DEADLINE approaching? Here’s how to face it head-on by using every displacement activity possible until the final minute:

Avoidance

Deadlines are motivational and give you energy to complete a million other tasks instead. Why not reply to your backlog of emails? Change all your passwords to secure ones? Make sure all your files since 2015 are backed up? The more you can do in the opposite direction to the work you’re supposed to be doing, the less you’ll worry about it.

Delay

Deadlines are intimidating, which is why it’s always wise to put them off. Perhaps you could get on that presentation as soon as you have spoken to everyone else in the company to ‘get their input’? Even better, set aside some time for ‘wider research’. Make sure it’s open-ended.

Denial

Three reports that you have had six weeks to prepare are due tomorrow? Does anyone have irrefutable proof that you knew this, or can you delete all email chains and deny all knowledge? If colleagues question this, deny that you are in fact the person they believe you are. The perfect opportunity for a total personal and professional rebrand.

Blame

The closer the deadline, the greater the reward when you drop a colleague in the shit for failing to meet it. If you’d assumed Kevin would cross-check the sales results how is it your fault he hasn’t? When Kevin starts up on you blame the failure on something no one can be bothered to deal with, like a ‘toxic company culture’.

Relocation

When pressure mounts and you feel overwhelmed by the stress of contending with projects that your boss insists are ‘literally the only reason I hired you’, there’s always running away. Whether you move company, city or continent it’s key to leave your deadlines unmet, your bridges burned and your LinkedIn endorsements firmly off.

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