Four Weddings Is Best British Film Ever, Say Arseholes

The Hugh Grant movie Four Weddings and a Funeral has been voted the best British film of all time by a bunch of arseholes.

The 1994 movie topped the internet poll ahead of David Lean's 1962 Oscar-laden epic Lawrence of Arabia which was criticised for being four hours long and containing no weddings at all.

Nikki Hollis, a television viewer, said she was forced to give up on Lawrence after fast forwarding through half of it without once catching sight of Hugh Grant, Rowan Atkinson or that girl from Vicar of Dibley.

She said: "The main character was an English army officer and the rest were all Arab men, you're not likely to get much romance there.

"You know how in Four Weddings they all run around at the beginning saying 'fuck'? That's what you call genius. But in Lawrence of Arabia everything takes absolutely ages.

"They had a man ride up on a camel, but it took so long I ended up switching over to Crime Scene Navy Crime on Channel Five. I switched back after 20 minutes and he was still miles away."

She added: "They should have given Peter O'Toole a deaf brother to make him seem more sensitive."

Meanwhile the trailer for the new James Bond film Quantum of Solace has been given the thumbs down by critics for being a rambling, self-indulgent mess with very few tits.

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Your Astrological Week Ahead

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)

Your ability to adapt in any situation helps in an unexpected way today. I’d seen drawings of that one but never believed it was physically possible.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)

Having a lengthy internal discussion about what you need from a relationship could make your next date a success. But probably not.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)

Significant bonding take times, but that woman has been at it for half an hour now and you can still move your feet. What are you paying her for?

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)

Remain easy-going today when it seems like hell has broken loose. It won’t actually break loose until tomorrow.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)

To discover a compatible partner you first need to consider what gets your own blood pumping. Then you need to work out if they will fit into your Minnie Mouse costume.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)

Lady Luck is smiling in your direction today. Only one of your legs is going to be severed.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)

While it's rare to find someone who shares your exact interests, it's not impossible. I would try a prison.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)

It is days since you last had it and the temptation is strong to lower your standards to get a date. Is that possible?

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)

Share your thoughts with those who desperately need a new vision. Invent a new religion and target the vulnerable, it’s a great way to make money and get all kinds of sex!

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

A first date is the perfect time to use your allure to its full potential. After dessert is served casually remove your knickers and put them in your handbag, if you have not already!

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)

Why is it you can talk to your pals about your hopes and dreams for hours on end, but when you try it with someone new they walk off immediately? Are your friends deaf? Or just stupid?