Freak Show Forced To Defend Footage Of Freak

ITV freak show Britain Must Be Stopped last night defended its decision to show footage of an insane, dancing freak.

Look at him go!

Viewers complained that Neil Horan, a former Catholic priest, was just that bit too freaky to be shown before 9pm on a Saturday night.

But producer Wayne Hayes said: "If we turned away every babbling social reject with a criminal record, the auditions would be over in about 90 seconds.

"Have a look at that queue and then tell me it's not an out-take from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest."

He added: "The whole point of Britain Must Be Stopped is to line up as many freaks as possible and then jab at them with a pole until they do something weird.

"If people are going to start complaining that one of the freaks is too freaky we may as well pack up and go home."

Freak-wrangler Simon Cowell said: "Mr Horan may be a tad unhinged, but to be perfectly honest I'd rather be trapped in a lift with him than Amanda Holden.

"Last week I walked into her dressing room and caught her swallowing a live rat."

A spokesman for the Catholic Church in Ireland said: "Mr Horan was too much of a flipped-out, freaky weirdo, even for us, so it's only natural that his next stop would be a British television programme."