THE much anticipated Friends reunion will reveal that the cast hated each other, the characters were stupid and it was actually bollocks.
The show will begin with all six actors walking onto the set, wincing at the sight of Central Perk and sitting down stiffly to get this shit over with.
Audience member Helen Archer said: “They began by asking David Schwimmer about his favourite Ross moments, and he said that if he’d ever had any they’d been ruined by people shouting ‘Pivot!’ in the street.
“Jennifer Aniston admitted that for all her wealth, it was soul-deadening to only be remembered for something she hadn’t done for 16 years which wasn’t even that funny.
“Then Matthew Perry stared directly into the camera and said ‘People. Stop. It was only ever okay,’ followed by a tedious montage of him putting a weird emphasis on the word ‘be’.
“Lisa Kudrow and Matt LeBlanc agreed on what bullshit their characters were, then the cast were asked if they ever meet up and they said no, never, they actively avoid each other because it hurts to remember.
“It was a massive downer, but you know what? I needed it. I don’t want to watch Friends ever again. I’m free.”