Game of Thrones fans to spend weekend studying maps and family trees

GAME of Thrones viewers have been ordered to spend the weekend with maps and genealogies to prepare for Monday’s new series. 

The fantasy drama, which many viewers began under the impression it would be enjoyable escapism, now requires a minimum eight hours of revising the Great Houses of Westeros before each series.

Fan Tom Logan said: “I caught some idiot casual yesterday confusing the sigil of the House of Bolton and the sigil of the House of Greyjoy.

“I mean hello, I’m sure it’s not important, they’re only practically at bloody war. And if you don’t know how vulnerable the Vale’s territory is to the White Walkers you’re missing half the show.

“The battle for the Iron Throne isn’t The Walking Dead. You can’t get by with a vague recollection of them fighting some zombies.

“If you think this is fun, you’re doing it wrong.”

Helen Archer of Wrexham said: “We’ve been doing quizzes for weeks, I’ve written a dissertation on the fall of the Targaryens, and I can draw the whole map freehand in less than 90 seconds.

“I don’t want to be overconfident, but I think I’m ready.

“Oh no. Rickon Stark. I forgot about Rickon fucking Stark.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Actress to appear as comic book character she couldn't know less about

ACTRESS Saoirse Ronan is to star as a superhero she has admitted she has never heard of and could not care less about. 

The 22-year-old, who will play DC’s Zatanna in an upcoming movie, has scandalised audiences by refusing to claim to have been a fan of the character for years.

She said: “I am an extremely attractive woman who most recently starred in an adaptation of Chekov, and you’re asking me if I read children’s comics?

“No, I don’t. Nor did my brother ‘read comics and pass them on to me’, nor am I especially thrilled to be stepping into Zatanna’s iconic fish-net tights and top hat to appear at the San Diego Comic Convention.

“I will stand in front of a green screen waving my arms and pretending magic is coming out, and for this I will be paid money.

“That is, and always has been, the deal.”

Comics reader Tom Booker said: “I don’t understand it. They must have found the only actress in Hollywood who isn’t secretly a big geek even though it’s the last thing you’d expect.”