'Gayboy' removed from Peter Pan

A ROW has erupted after the word ‘gayboy’ was removed from a new edition of the JM Barrie classic Peter Pan.

Barrie expert Dr Julian Cook, editor of the new version, said the word had led to many schools abandoning the much-loved adventures of the outrageously flamboyant young lad.

He added: “In 1902 it was perfectly normal for great novelists to use words like ‘gayboy’ or ‘screaming nancy’. No-one would have considered them offensive, apart from homosexuals, but there were only seven of them alive in England at the time.

“Now, of course, they’re everywhere.”

The word appears more than 200 times throughout the book from the moment when Wendy Darling wakes up and sees Peter at the end of her bed and says: “What are you looking at, gayboy?”

Later, when Peter flies out of Wendy’s bedroom window and urges the children to follow, five year-old Michael Darling remarks: “What’s with the little hat? Is he some sort of gayboy?”

When the children reach Neverland they discover that Peter was rejected by the Lost Boys for being ‘too poofy’, while Captain Hook famously chastises first mate Smee for ‘prancing like a Spanish homo’.

But the move has drawn criticism from both traditionalists and gay rights groups who have claimed it is a typical example of the sort of thing that gets them on the news.

Ludicrous old woman, Anne Widdecombe, said: “It is this sort of political correctness that undermines our cultural heritage and forces me to bite my tongue whenever I find myself in the same room as an arsebandit.”

Meanwhile gay rights activists insist the censorship is actually a clumsy attempt to whitewash Peter Pan’s sexuality.

Stephen Malley said: “Of course he was gay. What exactly was not gay about him? And if he’s not gay then how come he’s always played by a woman? Or Robin Williams?”

The controversy is the latest to hit children’s literature after health charities successfully banned the word ‘chocolate’ from Charlie and the Factory and the three year court battle to remove ‘dirty old fucker’ from Tom’s Midnight Garden.



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Afghan war caused by MoD budget shenanigans, reveals email

THE war in Afghanistan was started so the Ministry of Defence could avoid a £13bn underspend, according to a leaked email.

The classified memo, sent in August 2001 by former deputy head of the army General Sir Denys Finch-Hatton, was circulated to more than 20 senior MoD staff asking for ideas on how to get billions of pounds ‘out the door’ before the end of the financial year.

He wrote: “At the moment we are looking at an underspend of about £13bn. Any chance we could organise a couple of conferences, or maybe do some away days? Should we knacker a submarine and ask for a new one?”

He added: “Don’t be afraid to be bold. At this stage there’s no such thing as a bad idea.”

Among the replies, Lieutenant Colonel Martin Bishop said: “If we get some Saudis to fly a plane into a skyscraper, that should start a war. Possibly in Iraq but probably Afghanistan, which is quite far away.

“I’ve asked around my section and the prevailing view is that it would require lots of large machines, a ship and a load of petrol. And some bombs.

“Strictly back of the fag packet, but I reckon that should soak up at least £10bn by March 31st. Then all we should need is two seminars and three away days. I’ve heard that Celtic Manor is very nice.”

The Afghan war idea was seized upon by General Finch-Hatton who took it immediately to prime minister Tony Blair who then set about finding a dozen psychopaths, measuring the distance from Afghanistan to London and block-booking  22 rooms at Gleneagles after discovering that Celtic Manor had a wedding on.

General Finch-Hatton said today: “Anyone who has ever been in charge of a budget knows that the most important thing is to spend it or you won’t get as much next next year. The same rules apply whether it’s paper clips, pointless trade quangos or massive international wars.

“Hitler’s accountant was a total Nazi.”