Generation X accepts full responsibility for the Red Hot Chili Peppers

GENERATION X has finally accepted that the existence and popularity of the Red Hot Chili Peppers is entirely down to them.

Those born between 1965 and 1980 apologised for the success of the Californian funk-rockers, admitted that they had been avoiding responsibility for too long, and promised to make reparations.

Norman Steele, aged 45, said: “You have to understand that we listened to the Chilis for escapism from a harsh world of free higher education and affordable housing.

“They wore socks on their cocks and jumped off buildings into swimming pools. To a world only just emerging from the synthpop years, that felt like freedom. How were we to know?

“On behalf of my generation, I recognise that they have blighted lives. I accept that if we had not all bought Blood Sugar Sex Magik this would never have happened. I apologise for enjoying them ironically.

“We were young. We made mistakes. We wanted our own atrocious, generation-defining band. At least I won’t be answering to my children for Ed Sheeran in 30 years.”

Generation X then completely undermined its apology by insisting Funky Monks is ‘still a banger though’ and singing the bassline.

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Pogs and four other childhood obsessions that turned out to be worthless

WERE you convinced that collecting some bullshit as a child would pay off in adulthood? Is your collection worth f**k all on eBay? These obsessions weren’t worth your investment:


Cardboard discs? Why? There’s always going to be a rare pog that fetches a fortune but it’s none of the ones you hoarded which makes them exactly the waste of money your parents told you they were. Yes, that includes the shiny kinis, too.

Football stickers

All those lunch breaks watching tough kids from the year above rifle through your collection of Premier League ‘97 Merlin stickers was for nothing. Not least because you didn’t even like football to begin with and were just trying to fit in.

Yoyo tricks

Millions of children were tricked into believing they could be the yo-yo Tony Hawk, mastering hundreds of tricks the world didn’t want to see any more than their parents did. Which is saying something because Tik Tok is clogged with kids doing truly inane shit and raking it in.


You were never, ever going to turn a profit collecting models from Games Workshop. Not only did you have to buy the kits but you had to fork out for the paints as well, none of which was cheap. Melt the figures down for scrap and you might get a couple of quid.

Academic achievement

You doggedly pursued those top grades and diligently did those extracurricular activities, but the world’s still run by stupids. But at least you have an educated view of the rise of populist nationalism, so you’ll get to feel smug about that as you’re dragged off to a re-education camp.