Sunday, 9th May 2021

He did one f**king lesson a day, says pissed-off PE teacher

A PE teacher is sick of the fuss over Joe f**king Wicks doing one PE lesson a day for four-and-a-half months. 

As Britain calls for national treasure Wicks to be given a life peerage for jumping around in his living room for 30 minutes a day, teacher Steve Malley of Leatherhead suggested everyone get a f**king grip.

He continued: “I’ve been teaching PE for twenty bloody years. How about some recognition for that?

“Instead twinkletoes dances around with his Page 3 wife just when everyone’s at their most bored and he’s a hero. I’ve done 16 lessons a week for decades. And I cover French, but I can’t speak it so I just crack a DVD on.

“He wants to get off YouTube and spend a day here in the Bluebird Academy. We’d see how perky and motivated he is after forcing dog-rough teenagers to go on a cross country run without sneaking off for a spliff.

“He’s given up after 18 weeks? I’ve got decades to go. But somehow he’s the darling of the whole country while I’m fat, bald and barred from my local pub.”

Malley added: “18 weeks. Mind you, I’ve been here 20 years and never done that long without a half-term break.”